My Mental Illness and Relationships

The psych eval is what opened my eyes to the fact that I’d never had a healthy relationship. This applies to the relationship with my mother and father, sister and brothers, boyfriends and husbands, my children, and, if I had friends, I’m sure those would be strained relationships, too.

I’m not gonna lie; it’s made me question my worth more than once. Everybody leaves because I fell short in some way. Too much to handle. Not worth the effort.

I do have abandonment issues — big ones. That tends to come out in jealousy.

I’ve got a wicked fight, flight, or freeze mechanism ingrained in me. I’m easily offended and have a track record of being confused during conflict or confrontation. That often comes out in anger. And then I disassociate.

I don’t trust others to manage a household budget, which surfaces as a need to control.

My environment is one of the only things I can control, and so I’m beyond particular, if not OCD (literally, not figuratively), about how it’s kept. This means that if anyone moves anything, my energies misalign, and I get unrealistically upset.

Thanks to a case of ADHD, which we can’t medicate because of my other medications, I’m a non-stop chatterbox who blurts out every thought I have — and a lot of them are pessimistic. When I express…