I Should be Homesick
Where is my voice today? She’s playing hide and go seek. She pops in with ideas but doesn’t stay long enough to allow them to be complete thoughts — just flutters of unclear possibilities.
There’s too much mud in the hose.
I started to write about the week’s events and weekend road trip. We did a birthday party, housewarming party, family reunion, and a college drop off all in a short amount of time. I’ve been away from home and animals since August 27th, and I’m not sure how I feel about it for several reasons.
I was supposed to fly home today. However, when my big brother flew home last week, he got terribly ill from Covid. Chances are, he had it while he was here. We didn’t know.
I’m vaccinated, so I feel mostly safe, but the mind tells you that every itch of the nose or clearing of the throat could be deadly. My sister and I started comparing notes and taking each other’s temperatures each morning, fueling each other’s anxiety disorders. We each had some “symptoms,” but they were also easily explained as something else. We left California early when we realized we had been exposed — afraid of passing it on and afraid that we might get sick on the road. We played it safe.
For example, I had a runny nose one morning. But I just traveled from a cool, humid environment at home to a hot, dry one. I felt a bit of nausea, but I literally have prescription nausea pills in my med kit because that’s not new. My head felt weird, but I was wearing a ponytail the whole time, and that always gives me a headache.
My sister already had Covid, so she also felt a little bit more protected because she assumes she has the antibodies.
To be safe, I changed my flight to allow proper quarantine time. Instead of going home today, I’ll take a test on Thursday and fly home Friday. I don’t want to feel like I’m getting on a plane and putting others at risk.
I feel weird here. I’m staying in the game-slash-guest room on a pull-out sleeper sofa, which is not at all uncomfortable. I wasn’t even sure my sister and I would be able to share a space for more than a few days. The whole road trip was experimental. But it feels cozy. It’s comfortable.