And how they might have saved a marriage if I’d have wanted them to — The story ends in divorce from my husband and an estranged relationship with my sister, in which we are no longer speaking. In July, I’ll be jumping ship, at my husband’s request, headed to the central US to be near my children. New life. Phoenix. Reinvent myself. Again. I could…

And I’m finally listening! First of all, happy Ostara — Spring equinox (yesterday). I can feel the fog lift, even though it’s a soggy, rainy day in Washington. New opportunity. Rebirth. New life. Fresh starts. I’m all about it. Let’s go. So one thing about me is that I’ve never…

And Eff the Subtitle — It’s been a minute since I’ve shown up here. Since I’ve talked with myself openly and honestly in written word. Life happened. I left off at Sister’s house in December and haven’t been back to write the stories as they played out, but not because I haven’t wanted to. I…

He needed me as much as I needed him — until his son arrived. — My sister has been my biggest supporter. She’s the one who told me I was wasting my time waiting — waiting for my brothers to make me an offer I can’t refuse. Waiting for word from the job I applied for two weeks ago. Waiting. Instead, I should be writing…

Facing the darker aspects of myself — Shadow work isn’t something I’ve delved into before. In fact, I avoided it because I already had so much darkness via bipolar disorder and PTSD that I didn’t need to dig up more negativity. I wasn’t ready. Beyond the Diagnosis Mental illness swallowed my mother whole. She was born with bipolar disorder and anxiety disorder, but those things…natashahawthorn.medium.com

I avoided writing because I was also avoiding the truth. I’m trying to keep my head above water, to take the high road and vibrate at a loving frequency, but I’m feeling challenged. There’s a ton of resistence — mostly in my marriage. I’m pretty sure its on its last…

Vacation in progress I hadn’t seen my son in four years. He was stationed in Japan, and his whole family went overseas. My eldest grandson was four years old when they left, and the youngest of the three was just a newborn. Thank the stars for technology. Those babies grew…

Life Demands that You Show Up in Different Form — Everything fell apart for about a year. Husband and I were constantly fighting about living in a mixed home and how we raise his son as part of our family style here. My job tanked. Working for my family has a certain element of intrigue to it, but intrigue doesn’t…

Attuning to authenticity — When you think about existentialism, you realize that you have to start peeling back layers. Somewhere, deeply rooted beneath other people’s expectations and judgments, is authenticity. That spark of “I Am” that comes into being before anyone tells you who you should be or what you must believe. …